Hey gang,
What, you ask, am I doing at 9:43 pm on a Friday night writing a post and not out sampling the infinite men that L.A. has to offer? I was actually just dropped off at this respectable hour by the UCLA med student I had a Starbucks date with last week, aka Thing 2. While not being a complete disaster, it has earned a coveted spot in the bottom three, as one of my least enjoyable dates ever. The other two were briefly alluded to in my first post. One was with a pretentious hip-type who spent the three hours that we were together in an Echo Park speakeasy complaining about how shit L.A. was compared to New York and detailing for me the measures he used to determine his inferiors’ ‘intellectual ages.’ And yes. Rejection of religion and openness to new stimuli were two very important criteria in determining this fucking elitist measure. He also invited me to a blood rave with him, as mentioned in the OG post. The other bottom 3 story was more of a confusing night than anything else. He was an OkComedian and if you’ve ever imagined that dating a comedian would involve a lot of fast-talk, hyperbolic one-liners, accusations that you are a cat lady, and a makeout sesh in a lifeguard tower then you’d be right.
So tonight. Thing 2 and I had made plans for him to pick me up and take me to a mystery restaurant of his choosing. Although I hadn’t been too hyped to see him again after our first date, I was intrigued and appreciated that Thing 2 was going to come collect me from my apartment. He was a little late due to 405 traffic, and when I got in the car his crazy energy level was translated directly to his crazy spastic driving style. We walked towards the restaurant, a nice Italian place in Culver, from the parking structure and I thought, “His quirkiness and need to do strange, high-pitched voices is kind of fun and peppy.” Ah. Fast forward two minutes. Thing 2 revealed his very critical view of vegetarians and his skepticism about any and all of the starters on the menu. He may have also made some disparaging comments about the homeless. And veterans…Granted, he was just finishing a rotation at the V.A. hospital and had dealt with some pretty unstable patients, but still.
The restaurant and prices were definitely a bit beyond what this guy usually sees, but Thing 2 was unimpressed by our dishes. Fortunately, upon returning from the bathroom, T2 told me that his friend was having an engagement party that he had to head to in about an hour, so I suggested a quick walking tour of downtown Culver. I highlighted Culver Blvd’s two loveliest buildings, city hall and the Culver Hotel, which everyone who travels to visit from foreign area codes will have the pleasure of me forcing them to see. Thing 2 agreed that our City Hall was pretty amazing, but approx. 5 minutes later said that he wouldn’t be terribly saddened if he learned that Culver City had been obliterated off the face of the earth. No- he would be sad for a few minutes, but then he’d get over it. Yes. Please do shit all over the city I live in and clearly like. Would you also like me to show you my elementary school pictures so you can tell me how jacked-up my teeth were pre-orthodontia? Thing 2 also “isn’t sure how he feels about live theatre” and can’t be bothered with reading. Where were you this time, Harvard math majors?
So Thing 2 drove me home, without any near collisions time. He dropped me off and I hoped the goodbye could have been completed in his car, but no. He gave me a ‘proper goodbye’ which involved the peckiest kiss ever and a mutual “See you around.” Not if I can help it, bro. One productive thing that came out of this night, besides a stomach full of delicious fettuccine Bolognese and duck ragu, was that Plan B came out looking a whole hell of a lot better in comparison. We had a second date last night. It was a movie date, which I’m really not too keen on in the early stages of dating, since there is little opportunity to talk and little progress is made in gauging if you are interested in the other person or not. The movie date is a place holder date, that just ups the number of dates you’ve been on and edges you even closer to the ‘time to have sex now’ date. PB and I went to a special screening of a 1983 Robert Duvall film which we ran out on right as the credits began to roll and before the actress who played the female protagonist was about to lead a q&a. “You guys are leaving now?” she asked as we brushed past her in the wing of the theatre. “Oh, no, we’re just going to the bathroom,” PB lied poorly. #L.A.Problems.
Plan B and I decided to take a walk after the film- as is our tradition. We walked up and down the charmless Westwood Blvd, talking about his recent lasik surgery, football mascots, and the intricacies and ritual of male shaving and facial hair styling. Conversation was ok, but I somehow fell out of it at one point and was just being passively agreeable. We made it back to the garage near the theatre and had a minor expedition when my car wasn’t visible in the section of the floor that I remembered parking on. We scanned the two floors above mine, before returning to G3 and seeing darling Corolla (fresh out of the shop!) on the wall opposite where I thought I’d parked. Relieved, and both knowing what came next, we had a good minute or two of making out between sections A and B before agreeing to see each other again soon, and going our separate ways.
Today Plan B found out if he passed the California Bar exam. He’d been pretty nervous about it yesterday, and told me he’d send the good news my way if there was any to be shared. I texted him an hour ago to check out google’s Dr. Who theme because he mentioned being a supa fan. He responded “Best. Day. Ever.” which led me to think he was referring to his bar results, but his next text was something about killing daliks, so he may just have been expressing extreme enthusiasm for google’s interactive Dr. Who theme…I will leave the ball in his court, and hopefully have more material for you soon.
Auf wiedersehen, goodnight.
firstdatesfordayz 